So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
