i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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