Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
