You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize