Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
