A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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