oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
