I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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