does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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