The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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