Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
