p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
