I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
