You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
