you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
