Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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