well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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