Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
