i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your cock deserves a montage
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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