what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
