I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
