Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
