She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
