I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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