So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
