6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
