we have pet lesbian snakes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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