She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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