singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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