Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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