i wish starbucks made bloody marys
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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