i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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