a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
