i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
