i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
