It's Friday. Sex?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Randomize