His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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