Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
