How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
