So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
