one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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