My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
