cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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