Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
