so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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