We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
