Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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