Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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