you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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