if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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