i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
