Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
