just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
