I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize