Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
