Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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