there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize