I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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