I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
