I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sex in a hospital.. check
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize