Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
