I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
