so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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