I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
