And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
