Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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