if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
two words: eviction party
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We're too hungover to prance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
