Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize