Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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