nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
