Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
