The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
