I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
