happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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